It is difficult to deal with a narcissist when you are a grown, independent, fully functioning adult. The children of narcissists have an especially difficult burden, for they lack the knowledge, power, and resources to deal with their narcissistic parents without becoming their victims. Whether cast into the role of Scapegoat or Golden Child, the Narcissist's Child never truly receives that to which all children are entitled: a parent's unconditional love. Start by reading the 46 memories--it all began there.

Join me on Facebook!



The Narcissist’s Child has a private Facebook group. You can join by sending me an email stating you wish to join. Please also include a little background about yourself and why you would like to join the group.

While I will do my best to prevent narcissists and flying monkeys from getting into the group, no screening process is perfect and some may slip past my radar. If someone is behaving offensively, please bring it to my attention immediately and I will take care of it.

The goal of the group is to provide a safe place for readers of this blog to congregate, meet each other, tell their stories, and provide support to each other. I will use the group as a place to notify you of new posts on the blog and you may use the group as a place to discuss, expand upon, or ask questions about the posts, as well as chat to each other about relevant issues. The group is actually for you, but I will monitor it to make sure balance and order are kept. The group is secret, which means the only way another person will know you have joined the group is if they are standing behind you and reading over your shoulder or they have your Facebook password and log into your Facebook account.

Please--do not request an invitation if you do not intend to accept the invitation to join the group. If you are having second thoughts, don't make the request in the first place or join anyway and lurk for a while. I try to answer all requests within 24 hours and if you can't follow up your request by accepting the invitation, please don't request one because it is inconsiderate to waste my time with requests that go nowhere.

You can email me using the email form at the bottom of the blog main page. Please double-check that you have included your CORRECT email address...I get requests from people all the time who have made a typo in their email address and I cannot send their invitations or contact them unless the email address in correct. If you email me and don't get an answer within 48 hours, please contact me again and this time be doubly sure you have provided a correctly-spelled email address. I do not ignore requests...I reply to every request I receive, so if you don't get a reply that is your first clue that I don't have a way to reach you.

Hugs to you all!

16 comments:

  1. I am 39 male and i go through this shit with my mother. difficult to fix things because of the lies I was fed since i was a child, it is a sad thing

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  2. I am 39 male and i go through this shit with my mother. difficult to fix things because of the lies I was fed since i was a child, it is a sad thing

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  3. Hi Violet, I've spent the last 2 hours reading every post on your blog. I can't tell you how badly I needed to see and learn about my MNM and how it's not me, it's her. It's ALWAYS been her. Last week was my birthday, and on that day I declared my independence from her and my MNS by going NC. It was a symbolic rebirth I guess you could say. I would love to be a part of your Facebook group, but I can't seem to find your email address so I can join. I would really like to be a part of the group because I really need the support right now. I'm new to the NC process and I'm struggling badly. I don't want to put my email address in the post for obvious reasons. Can you please maybe respond to this comment with your email address please? I would really appreciate it.

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    1. Hi.... This is my first time doing this also.... I can't say how badly I needed this as well. The relationship I had with my mother (adopted at six weeks) affects seems like EVERYTHING in my life. It's not a subject we just bring up with friends etc.. So am soooo grateful this site is here. Time for a change!!!! Thank u to all who posted. I don't feel quite so alone!

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  4. Hi please add me to the Facebook group. I have a NM mother and an enabling/sex offender (jail time)father. I am new to this and can use any suggestions/help comments from like people to help me through all of this.
    Thank you :))

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    1. You have to send me an email to sweetvioletsa@gmail.com requesting an invitation. It is not possible to add you from the blog.

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  5. Hey. I found this page after my mother got irate with me because I didn't answer my phone and then told me I need a man in my life to make me happy. It's pretty mild for N mothers but it caused a chain of events that lead to me not talking to her until she apologizes. I'm not sure if my mother is a full blown narcissist, she seems to have the capability for real empathy, but her mother certainly is, and she's of course the scapegoat in that relationship and thus constantly trying to please her own mother by treating her children horribly and raising them in the same vein. I'm also a middle child and have read the drama of the gifted child several times. My brother is likely the Golden Child and is afforded suppport and love while I feel like most actions I take are ridiculed or met with fake/sarcastic enthusiasm. In short, I was raised by an N mother.

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  6. Also I wanted to point out that some might find it alienating being forced to tell their personal stories just to congregate with people of similar backgrounds. I understand trying to keep trolls out, but the reality is only people with narcissistic parents look up narcissistic parents so it might not hurt to let people freely join after tney request to join without asking them any personal information.

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  7. Thank you Sweet Violet for your dedication to helping us "put it all together"! This blog has helped me make some very informed recent changes! My question is, what do you do if NM, always the victim, pity party, self absorbed...abandons her personal belongings in your home? My Extene Victim NM moved in with GC, my older brother a few months ago but burned her bridges there. She claimed him and my niece abusive, surprise! I was called up by my nieces to remove my NM as she had made allegations of verbal abuse to the police thereby becoming an actual threat to my brother. I brought into my home, victimized and financially broke due to my brother, as my other 3 siblings chose NC decades ago and there is no family willing to take her in. She burned her bridges here as well with her "want" for 24/7 catering to, piling used incontenance products in her bedroom here (bathroom is less then 10' away). Got to play the part right?!! She plays on "the worst case of arthritis doctors have EVER seen" and she "IS riddled from head to toe!!!" As she puts it, she is completely and utterly incapable of performing ANY physical activity wether it's leisure or housework. I have witnessed doctors recommend more physical activity be she's bound that they say otherwise. She is however capable of hussling outside to smoke every 15 mins, 24 hours a day! She is capable of making a coffee, not cleaning up from making it and can carry that coffee outside but can not carry that empty mug into the kitchen. I have set down our households boundaries regarding sanitary conditions, cater to yourself, clean up your messes...DO NOT demand my ADD/ADHT son to perform your daily tasks for you. My NM had begun "grooming" her next victims being an elderly friend of hers *Donna and her daughter/caretaker *Sue. Has fed them lies (another surprise!) regarding me, my husband and my kids. With NM refusing to respect us and our home I DID strictly inform my NM that it either stops or I have no other option but to drop her off at the woman's shelter where they will cater to her ever desire and clean after her. I did her laundry, cooking, sweeping, made her bed daily, drove her for errands, bathed her although she usually proclaimed she was "too sore" even with a transfer bench! She does take a lot of pain pills and she abuses them. She left here on good terms to visit for 2 weeks with Donna & Sue however 2 days after her return home date I contacted police as I had no address for Donna & Sue. I had been leaving messages via Donnas home phone and Sue's cell phone-text regarding the first psw appointment for my NM which she did not return for. The police did speak to my NM and informed me that she is claiming verbal and emotional abuse by me (super surprise!), but they are not taking her seriously. I have informed Sue* of my choice of NC. This is the fifth time in my
    Life my NM has done this too me. I honestly get stomachs sick and dry heave when I must or should have contact with my NM, I've been this way in response to her for years. I have been receiving texts from Sue* at my NM request regarding the date & time I will deliver her list of personal items which she wishes to have. Yes, there is also a list of what she does not want, many of which I have purchased for her comfort such as an electric lazy boy lift chair that has numerous burn holes throughout it! My NM way of saying "it's not good enough". I have not replied to Sue's text. Some advice? Thank you!

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  8. I'm new to this and I've tried to comment 3 x's! I think I figured it out now! My NM is the extreme victim, health wise she is the victim
    of arthritis and is incapable of anything! So the 24/7 catering to her is a necessity for life! She burned her bridges at GC, my big brothers. She burned her bridges with my 3 other siblings decades ago and they have maintained NC for that long. She proclaimed verbal abuse at GC house and became a threat to my brother. My nieces called upon me to take her. I regretfully did. Used incontenance products throughout her bedroom?! Must "play the part"!! Yet she can hussle outside to smoke every 15 mins, 24 hours a day! I set my boundaries: cater to yourself, pick up after yourself, DO NOT request or demand my ADD son to cater to your every want. She chose to become cold to my son. My daughter had my first grandchild! Yay!!! He was an emergency c-section. My daughter needed help once they got home-my SIL works 10 hours/day, shift work in an automotive assembly plant. I went daily to help; brought their laundry home to wash, dry and return, cleaned their home, bathed the new babe and my daughter daily. My NM quickly became jealous as the focus was taken off her. She had no problem telling me that I should not be do anything for my daughter, her husband and my beautiful grandson but was quick to demand a fresh coffee! After refusing to maintain her own cleanliness, pick up after herself I DID inform her that I WILL drop her off at a local woman's shelter where she can receive the services she wants if she does not abide our boundaries & household rules. She quickly "groomed" her elderly friend *Donna and her daughter/caretaker *Sue with lies about me and my family. She left here on good terms, for a 2 week visit with Fonna & Sue. She did not return for the psw appointment I've worked hard to get her. She did call 2 days after her return home date stating she was not returning! She was getting an apartment in geared to income housing! See, she's also financially broke, lived here 2 months and could not pay anything towards good, hydro, shelter, etc., as her bank account was froze for missing her visa and marercard payments since February!!???!!! She used me!, us!, my family!! She's proclaimed I've verbally and mentally abused her! Surprise!!! But the police are not taking her seriously. I informed Sue that I, like my siblings before me am choosing NC with my NM. My NM has left ALL her belongings, bed, clothing, tv, tea cart, etc in my home! VE received texts from Sue at my NM request on the date, time I will be delivering her list of items she wishes to have me "return" to her?!!! Yes, there's also a list of items she does not want-mainly things I've bought her for her comfort such as an electric lazy boy lift recliner that has soooo many cigarette burns in it-I know, it was not good enough so why respect or take care of it or cherish it? Her pain is sooo bad that all she can sinus smoke cigarette after cigarette and drink coffee after coffee while groaning loudly in pain. I have fibromyalgia. She tells me "I hope you never have pain as bad as I have!" Oh you pooooor mother. Our finances are limited. Even more so that we supported her, her meds, alllll her "necessities" that I can not pay to have her belongings delivered to her. That's not even my responsibility...it's her tactic in forcing contact. Sue is now hinting that my mother has spoken to "someone" regarding her belongings and if not returned to her by a specific date there WILL be action! Continue....

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  9. Did I mention this is the FIFTH time she has done this to me? That I've taken her customized soul in and supported her! I should also mention, I am a survivor of incest. My alcoholic father would get violent at times with my NM who was addicted to Valium for 7 years of my childhood. She would crawl into my bed and hide between me and the wall so my dad would not bother her. Apparently Valium was how "they did things in the 70's. Not only did my NM usher me off to bed with my dad the day I started walking but also groomed my 4 siblings to usher me off to...so they could all have peace and quiet. She claims no knowledge, but I told her on several occasions in which she replied "do not tell lies like that! Goby your room!". She had my aunts, her sisters and best friends believing nothing I said could be taken seriously. After my patents divorced, CAS here in Canada became involved and I was a ward of the courts at age 14. I disclosed the incest, my father was tried and convicted. During the trial prep my NM sold her house and travelled for a year throughout Canada & USA giving the excuse that she commented to the investigators that she would kill my father, they told her to get out of the country until the trial because if he did pop up dead she'd be the first suspect. Oh pooooor mother! I rec'd countless post cards, pics of her having a grand old time while I was in group and one on one therapy being tossed around foster homes. Oh you poooor mother. Her being "riddled from head to toe with arthritis" takes presidence over it all. Is this "Extreme Victim NM"? Confirm please? I'm just beginning to see the puzzle pieces fit together! Thank you!

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  10. Both of my parents were narcs and my aha moment happened in May this year. Married 24 years to a narc as well. Who knew such people existed? Feel justified and horrified at the extent of abuse I've endured in my life from the people who I thought loved me the most.

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    1. I know what you mean Maria. Only figured out in the last few years that both my parents are and I married someone that fits into our overall dysfunctional family like he was born to it.

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  11. My son is 21 years old and his Dad and I had a horrible divorce. We have both loved him unconditionally - Although, he went to live with his Dad and manipulated him out of all his money and damaged all relationships with that side of the family. He came to live with me and I realized I was being manipulated, he has a sense of entitlement, he blames every problem on his Dad and I even when it has absolutely nothing to do with us, his anger towards me now because I won't give into his behavior has our relationship on the rocks. He recently went to live with my mom and now has her in financial difficulty due to his manipulation and he scorns and talks down to anyone who tries to help him. He is 21 and we can't make him get help.....But how do we as a family try and love him and save ourselves at the same time? He is loved unconditionally, but he is so angry at everyone because we won't give into him. Now he is telling everyone what a horrible family he has and saying things that are not true.

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I don't publish rudeness, so please keep your comments respectful, not only to me, but to those who comment as well. We are not all at the same point in our recovery.

Not clear on what constitutes "rudeness"? You can read this blog post for clarification: http://narcissistschild.blogspot.com/2015/07/real-life-exchange-with-narcissist.html#comment-form